Archive for the ‘ epic heavy metal ’ Category

on missing herr schumacher

as i’ve been moaning about for the past couple of weeks, Brocas Helm is on tour in europe from jan 26 – feb 6. as an integral part of the three piece epic metal band, the bass wizard schumacher naturally had to go with them. so i’m lonely. i’ve been whining and being needy and sitting here bemoaning my fate. (who care if those guys are in norway in the middle of winter? fuck that! i’m lonely!)
anyway, i’ve decided… i can’t control what happens in my life, but i can control how i react to it. duh, right? well, i struggle with depression and anxiety so much so that it hinders my functioning within the world, so it’s not that obvious a thought in my normal mental processes. but i’m getting there.
i’ve spent today waking up far too early, saying goodbye, falling asleep in the middle of the day, eating too much, and playing computer games. then i was left with the interminable loneliness of late night, starting to feel sorry for myself.
now i’ve come to a decision. i am a strong woman. (yes i am. i promise. i’ll force my brain to believe that.) i don’t need to sit here being all sad that this guy who normally annoys the crap out of me is absent for a whole WEEK AND A HALF. not me! this is an opportunity! normally my nights are filled with sitting here at the computer, waiting for him to go to bed so i can do whatever pleases me. i need a lot of alone time, but i hate being lonely. i have almost the entirety of the night time hours now. to read, to write, to do magicks, to meditate, to open myself to limitless possibilities and prepare for whatever may come my way. i don’t have to wait for 2 or 3 a.m.
so what i think i’ll do is prepare for a ritual on the new moon… i’ll clean. i’ll meditate. i’ll prepare my tools. i’ll gather information. i’m going to fast. see visions! talk to spirits! or whatever happens.
today, i mourn my lonliness. tomorrow, i empower myself as a complete being.

☠ soma ☠

ps: stupid horoscope…
“Your current optimism about the future motivates you to swing into action, yet it also distracts you from what’s happening right in front of your nose. You could be eager to shift your focus away from a complicated emotional situation that would benefit from your undivided attention today. Just remember that a positive attitude can be helpful as long as you don’t forget to use your common sense in the process.”

pps: stupid Brocas Helm gig flyers…

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